What are the stages of grief?

DENIAL

When terrible news is received, it is natural to dismiss it as false. During this stage of grief, denial occurs as we try to deal with the initial shock of terrible news.

This is a temporary response we use to try and block out the initial pain from the news that we have just received. When learning of terrible news, people tend to become overwhelmed with emotion and try to deny the facts.

ANGER

When denial stops working, the natural response is to turn to anger. The anger response is a result of the vulnerable feelings we go through and is usually redirected outwards. Some parents can also turn this in on themselves and blame themselves.

Anger is typically directed at others even though we know they are not responsible for causing the situation. (For example, a friend or family member saying the wrong thing/not being supportive).

BARGAINING

Eventually, we reach the point of bargaining as a way to try and improve the situation.

Bargaining is done in an attempt to try and regain control of the situation. As is often the case, we can be left feeling vulnerable or helpless after we have lost a baby.

People may try to make a deal with God/Allah/Higher Power. For example, ‘I will do anything to change this’.

This provides a temporary relief from grief, provides hope and allows time to adjust to the reality.

DEPRESSION

Whereas anger and bargaining can feel very “active,” depression may feel like a “quiet” stage of grief.

In the early stages of loss, you may be running from the emotions, trying to stay a step ahead of them. By this point, however, you may be able to embrace and work through them in a more healthful manner. You may also choose to isolate yourself from others in order to fully cope with the loss.

That doesn’t mean, however, that depression is easy or well defined. Like the other stages of grief, depression can be difficult and messy. It can feel overwhelming. You may feel foggy, heavy, and confused.

Depression may feel like the inevitable landing point of any loss. However, if you feel stuck here or can’t seem to move past this stage of grief, it is good to talk with your therapist who can help you work through this period of coping.

ACCEPTANCE

For some, this stage may never be reached.

It means you have accepted the reality and the fact that nothing can change it.

This does NOT mean you are okay with the loss.

The 5 stages of Grief are never linear. Not everyone will experience all five stages, and you may not go through them in this order.



Grief is different for every person, so you may begin coping with loss in the bargaining stage and find yourself in anger or denial next. You may remain for months in one of the five stages but skip others entirely.