"I wondered if that was how forgiveness budded; not with the fanfare of epiphany, but with pain gathering its things, packing up and slipping away in the middle of the night" - Khaled Hosseini
I love this quote on forgiveness.
And I agree that before we can forgive, we have to look at the pain dwelling within the resentment.
We have to start with the willingness to forgive ourselves and others.
To forgive means to relieve or to free. And let me ask you - who do you think is being freed - you or the other person? YOU gain from forgiveness too.
So ask yourself - am I willing to forgive myself and others? That's the first step.
If the answer is no that you don't even want to be willing - I would ask yourself, what if you were the one in need of forgiveness from someone in your life?
Would you want to be forgiven?
And what if someone you care about is torturing themselves for something they did - would you hope they could forgive themselves?
Is forgiveness merely a decision, a choice? Well yes it is, but what are you making a decision about?
For many years I held huge resentment towards my father.
I worked hard on forgiveness.
I said I was willing and yet I just couldn't get there.
I realised I was choosing that it would all just go away (the hurt) just because I decided it was what I wanted. Wasn't that simple.
I embarked on a self-discovery/personal development course which involved really looking at the pain, anger and resentment I was carrying around with me like a huge boulder.
I wasn't able to forgive (my dad) until I had gained some peace within myself.
And then - I didn't forgive - I realised there was actually nothing to forgive.
I made this choice, yes but first I had to look at myself, not at my dad, not at anyone else who I felt had 'harmed' me in any way, just ME.
Afterall, I was the one carrying it all around with me.
Self-forgviness is just as important if I wanted to live a happy, peaceful life.
My next blog is a 'how to' on forgiveness in 6 steps.